Karunah : Kindness

Karunah: கருநாஹ In Sanskrit means kind. Kindness isnt only for others, it is also how you love yourself. Pema Chodron reminding us..."the most difficult times are the ones we give ourselves". I finally had a few hours to test out one of the new lenses I got for Christmas. With the Nikon 85 F 3.5 in my hands, I set out to capture the orchids that prosper on our sideboard. And as I set up the oft familiar home set up, I felt that familiar fear-the stomach churn, the gross murky doubt thats been happening in my creative process. I am the first one to preach honoring the pause in creative process; you have to leave space for growth. That space can encompass a bit of fear. I felt gross setting up the tripod and flowers. I felt clumsy moving around in the nature light from the window....my feet felt heavy. Focusing on my breathing, it was steady and slow. I'm convinced that darkness and fear are as much a part of creative process as elation and exhilaration. That gross murky feeling is the jumping in point. Fear is the threshold that we cross to get to our own process. It's the ultimate decision, the decision to be ourselves and not copy the status quo. Truly tuned into the process I feel that fear every time. Sometimes it's fleeting and small, sometimes it huge and overwhelming. Noticing and allowing it let's me move forward and create an image. The doubt, the murkiness, the clouds, sometimes linger throughout the process of creating--that acts as a motivator, a propellant of individuality. It's necessary. Photography is about capturing essence, it's about feeling the small story that contains the emotional impact. I can set up a scene and dial in the perfect exposure, and thats fine. But I can also tune in and be present and be aware of the grace and movement that a subject has to offer. Being kind to yourself and allowing the process of moving beyond what you "see" into what you feel yields something new...something you "feel" and then relay to others. Those who are also tuned in will get it--something will resonate (normally a viewer cant put it into words, they just feel it). There's something stirring about connecting with others through an image. Photography is creating something and then standing together with someone in the mystery. Stepping into creative process again and again; intentionally stepping across the threshold of doubt is a brave act. Moving with intuitive intention allows you to move lightly with grace. Start with chaos and murky churning stomach and move with kindness towards yourself.

Sacred Space in the New Year

SACRED SPACE: Happy New Year. It has been a busy couple of weeks and I found myself at the end of a very depleted schedule. After a day to put the holiday stuff away and wrap up the tree, I have my practice space back. I dont think I quite realized how much I missed it. As many of us set intentions for the new year, one thing that I believe should be at the top of the list is creating space for yourself. A space where you breathe, where you pause, where you let your heart soften and feel love. It can be small, it can be big, but it is essential that it's your space. We come into contact throughout the day with so many people and our to-do lists are long; our perception of ourselves can blur, can morph into the things that we "do", instead of the things that we "are". Your sacred space is where you realign and connect with your love for yourself. If you are someone who is trying to begin or continue a breathing/meditation practice, this space is critical. It is a place to cultivate stillness. The inner stillness you create will allow you to operate in stillness and focus on the outside. This is my "after holiday" newly arranged space. It felt good to be in it this morning. In the middle of the altar is a small box given to me by a good friend it says..."Live Simply". I'd add, Love Simply, Be Still...and be grateful. Shanti~

SUNSET at Schoodic Penninsula in Maine. A moment to breathe in all that nature has to offer. #Breathing is the stillness that is always available, the place you can always return to. In the midst of any chaos, breath is home. I find myself craving more and more, the practice that has enveloped my very being. The quiet sacred space that practice creates allows me to be curious, to be in the flow of what I'm feeling, to process darkness and light equally, in a sacred container. Meditation practice helps guide where I choose from, it reminds me of the gratitude that is always available.~~

New Year's Blog 2016

Jan. 2016~~ "It is all here There is nothing more that humanity needs to hear in order to grow There will be no new teachings, for they are unnecessary.... you live in a loving universe. All the forces are here to give you assistance to give you support....." Emmanuel, "An Overview of the Human Adventure: A Manual for Living Comfortably in the Cosmos" _______________________ So here we are, perched on the edge of a brand new year. For me, it is the continuation of working with mindfulness and awareness, both of which have become an evolving spiritual practice for me. I continue to embrace the ideals of Buddhism and try to live as kindness. People talk about "leaving the year behind". I honestly can say that I wouldnt change the last year at all. So much manifested....and in turn everything that happened was the result of me walking through fear. Almost four years out from my divorce and working to understand the financial spectrum and trying to bring some order to an old chaotic map surrounding money. The more I learn about the map I've been carrying the more I try to show myself kindness and patience. This continues into 2016 with new intentions set. 2015 was a year busy with speaking engagements as well. I sent out energy that would ultimately share my experiences as a 40+-year stroke survivor and that led to the creation of Breathe, Vision and Voice project which I presented 4 times in three states. I've set an intention for this as well in 2016. In the Winter I reluctantly left a job that I loved in search of work that supported my expanding spirituality and better supported me financially. I struggled through two jobs in Spring which didnt "fit" and made me fearful. (that was fun...not) Intentions set on New Years Day 2015 led to a new job in June that I believe is exactly where I am suppose to be and I cant imagine being anywhere else. Many of the Intentions I set in 2015 manifested by the end of the year. The process of getting there required faith and what seemed like Herculean patience. Lots of walking through fear, lots of breathing through panic, lots of meditation. (Many days of "hum sa-ing" my way down Rt 128). My meditation practice has evolved, and again, feels like something that was always there and a part of me. I am committed to it as a daily practice and it has yielded a confident self. A self with subtleties of great intuition and trust and a kindness that run deep. Stillness brings peace, and stillness brings the ability to be vulnerable and look at others with compassion and trust. Stillness and silence bring a new level of ME that is graceful and quiet. My practice is always with me and I love sharing it with others. My "self" is always evolving. In photography I've been content to release and let my camera roam as it sees fit, not concentrating on style, but allowing contemplation and emotional storytelling (c). 2015 led me to do more landscape work along side some terrific photographers. I'm deeply interested in what's contained in vast images and sprawling scapes in terms of emotion and feeling. Whatever comes, comes. I continue to believe that my photography is a vehicle for my medical trauma experiences and that it is my fate to share that with others. "Amour Fati", love your fate, if you will. Words to internalize. I've set intentions in 2016 for my photography to be even larger, reach even more people and deliver more kindness. Living as our authentic self takes a courage All of the "new things" for me, new job ,new relationships, new audiences require me to have a brave heart. The more I open, the more I sit in my practice, the more experiences come my way. I've learned that things are "great" when things are going great, but ultimately it's how you react and how you trust yourself when things go off the rails that determine who you are. Is there absence of judgement? (is there ever?), can you release your ego and look at things with a wide perspective? Can you put yourself in someone elses' shoes with compassion and say "that person is just like me". Can you realize that imperfection is actually divine nature and is the personification of our humanness? We relate to each other the best when we share our scars. We communicate clearly through kindness. All that is required is that we show up--that we show up for ourselves and breathe. The rest takes care of itself. Yet, we hold back, we doubt, we react, we expect, we struggle. It (Samsara) gives us the perfect opportunity to open and feel, to cry, to get angry, to revisit ourselves again and again. Go inside, go deeper, get scared, feel your heart and visit darkness. 2016 is an opportunity to practice more and more deeply, to be brave, maybe braver than ever before. It's the year we can love even more deeply and trust and leap. It's the year we learn to pause fully and own our reactions to every moment. The choice is always ours. Just keep sitting and continue to work from a place of gratitude From author Emmanuel..... "As the desire to turn to the light increases, the soul knows where the resistance still rests and takes the responsibility for the exploration of that resistance." ^^ Oh shit....try to not to cling. Om Shanti

December 2015 Blog

Be Still. Be still and explore your deep connection with everything you do.

Sunrise 11/28/15

I owe you a blog here at SumKovi. It's coming, I promise. To hold you over, here is a new image. Taken at Sandy Point Beach on Plum Island, I had the opportunity to photography with three great friends recently. This is a first attempt at using a new variable ND filter to create a colorful long exposure. There is slight processing in the image with Nik software, but it was pretty much as you see it here. I want to take the opportunity also to thank the fantastic members of the North Haven, CT camera club. I spoke there at the beginning of November. It was the longest presentation I've ever done and they were truly engaged and very passionate. I want to honor your commitment to scheduling speakers who are "out of the box", and as Mike so aptly put it, not asking you to buy a plane ticket. Your creativity will continue to evolve as you open your hearts to your own process. I am always available via email or phone.

Autumn Composite

Let me not pray to be sheltered from danger, but to be fearless in facing it; let me not beg for quieting of darkness, but for the stillness to feel and learn from it; let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved, but for the patience to let myself evolve even with judgment that arises; Let me open my eyes and embrace my imperfection~~ This is Autumn..

Acknowledging Your Creative Darkness

Being creative means you have to honor your darkness. Below is a quick description of a day recently where I did exactly that.... My day did not go as planned; I went right down the rabbit hole and stayed there. There are days you have to yield to yourself, accept your energy's resignation and just "be". If there are days filled with light, then right along side come days filled with dark. They are one in the same. It's ok to rest, be solemn and hold yourself gently. There is no embarrassment, shame or regret in days you are not at your best. It is all perfectly divine. So, here's the image I worked on today from last August...a 4am morning in Newburyport. In the words on my most treasured creative, spiritual teacher Shaun Mcniff..... “Creativity cannot flourish and reach its deepest potential without the participation of its demons as well as its angels.”

Creative Process as a Vehicle in Healing Trauma

I finally got permission to use these photos of my presentation at Concord NH Health South Hospital. You can see the full blog by scrolling down to the rocky ocean image. Here is a recap and a few more photos from the day. I presented to a stroke support group in NH. My intention in presenting there was to talk about how to make a safe space for healing through creative process. Within the process emotion can be facilitated. In a group of about 20 people, my presentation moved along and, per usual, I asked them to comment on images. Their answers surprised me. They saw a tremendous amount of aggression in my images, particularly the brightly colored ones and some were truly unsettled by the backgrounds and textures I incorporated. I was very open-hearted going in to this experience because I know that trauma changes perspective on things and I knew in terms of my own experience this was about me being completely vulnerable. I am curious about my own stroke- trauma at the age of six and have been exploring it very deeply. I has led me to explore the relationship between trauma and art. So I listened and asked questions. Again and again they felt aggression. They explained it as an intangible thing, but felt it very intensely. I saw it in their faces as they spoke. “Jessie” spoke about my bright pink African daisy image, “I don’t know, it’s not a good feeling, something’s not right.” This absolutely struck me reminded me of a phrase you might use if a child is sick. It was a gutsy intuition type feeling. I felt such a thick, dense commonality in the room, and understanding that we had experienced similar wounds. So, a few days later, I sat with that. I breathed in the aggression and breathed out-breaths of compassion. My intent was not to get to the bottom of it, not to push it away, but at least explore ways in which I was still being unkind to myself or aggressive toward anything I was feeling.